So I am 99.9% sure I started 2018 out by saying, ‘I’m not much of a New Year kinda girl’…which is definitely still true…I don’t make a mood board or manifest goal lists or write myself arbitrary, all-game-changing, impossible to attain resolutions (for me, not everyone…if you write all-game-changing, impossible to attain resolutions resolutions and that works for you that’s great, this statement is just not about you, wait your turn!) However even the faintest of New Years-inspired hearts still flicker at the thought of the small miracles in it…new beginnings, hope for the future and a the first blank page of a shiny new 365 page book.
It’s also nice in a busy life, to have a few moments of reflection…even if they are fleeting. That’s how I like to spend my New Years Eve…finding a quiet moment alone to try and remember all the big (and little) experiences/lessons/achievements/things that surmount who I am right now, walking in to a new year.
As I sat out under the stars, wine in hand (home from my friend’s gathering by 11pm because we are all at the point of #mumlyf)…I couldn’t help but take a second to think of how far May and I have come this year.
I watched my baby girl turn one and grow in to a wild, ambitious and clever little girl
I returned to work full-time.
I saved a home loan deposit on my own and moved Maya and I out of my family home*
*not in to our forever home yet, we’re still looking…patiently…or not so patiently actually…
I continued to do the things that I love…played some incredible gigs, sang people’s favorite songs as they walked down aisles, said ‘I dos’ and shared first dances, learned more about photography and spent time making memories with my loved ones.
I watched my friends get promoted, engaged, married, fall pregnant and have their babies…and was there for the not-so-beautiful parts of their year too…and I am so proud of every single one of them and how they handled the bullshit tossed their way in 2018…just quietly, you are all the epitome of brave and I continue to look up to all of your resilience. You know who you are.
I met beautiful new people and got to know them
I traveled with and without my baby girl for the first time
Maya’s Dad and I (mostly) nailed co-parenting…
I listened to amazing new music, read thought-provoking books and tasted incredible wine
I made being the happiest, most engaged version of myself a priority in the hopes of being the best Mum I could be
I made getting to know this 2.0 version of myself (aka, the mummy version) and loving who that is a priority
I tried really hard to get the parts of me I don’t like…those which I could control…under control. I wouldn’t say that was entirely successful, but a vast improvement no less…I’ve relinquished my need to be right all the time and stopped snapping at people for things they probably didn’t know…basically, gave less of a hoot if things weren’t perfect.
And most of all, I stopped trying to control everything…and for me, relinquishing control is my idea of hell…but I did and my god, the freedom is intoxicating. I don’t give a fuck, I just don’t give a fuck anymore and it is so, so freeing.
So, after a plethora of self-growth, highs, low, successes and fails…I survived 2018 and I cannot wait to look back on 2019 and see what comes out of those 365 shiny new pages.
Here’s hoping for a lot of new adventures, a lot of learning and growing (not joking, she is growing so fast!), a lot more smiles than tears, radiating self love, confidence and trust, making memories with people we love and diving head-first into whatever 2019 has in-store for us: fearless.